loose lips sink ships
by Yamiku Paperworks
Summary: Whenever I watched 'X-Men First class' I couldn't help, but think about where the story went wrong. What might have changed, if there had been a harder way to get understanding. If there had been more comromises. This story is based during the events in 'First class' when Charles and Erik were sitting together in the mansion, playing chess and having a conversation.


"You call me a naive idealist.  
Someone who's caught up in his hopeless, childish daydreams  
Who builds castles out of sand surrounded by fantasy creatures, never spending even a tiny thought to the rain, that could wash everything away.  
From one second to another.  
Hopelessly optimistic and blind to all the shadows.  
Too weak to see they're existing.  
Too weak to face them.  
You miss one thing, my friend, I do see the storm, I feel the pain, all the agony like a pitch black abyss that consumes everything.  
Anger, hatred, sorrow, desperation, jealousy, bloodthirst, revenge…  
It's not a weakness to watch out for something positive.  
For love, hope, laughter.  
No, it's weak to just jump into this abyss take a swim and give in to negativity, to let oneself be consumed by it, act with it leading.  
I am not weak.  
Even when there's only a small dot of light on an endless dark horizon, everything's trying to pull me away from that, I'll always try to reach it.  
I'm not stupid enough to believe in ultimate peace.  
It would absolutely be utopian to search for 'the land of milk and honey'.  
I am not a child, Erik.  
There are no such things than unicorns, fairies or the Easter Bunny, but wanting to gain acceptance and peaceful solutions isn't part of the fairytales in which those figures are living.  
First thing should always be to think of a non-violent solution before going berserk and killing everyone.  
Hatred calls for hatred.  
Murder results in murder, revenge in revenge.  
Where is this whole thinking leading to but complete disaster?  
Past shouldn't be any shackle holding one back. It should be existing to learn from it, to be able to choose a better way.  
One, that's not leading to more bloodshed.  
Guilty or not, who's right is it to judge?  
Is it not the judge himself, no matter in the name of innocence or justice, who will be guilty for judging?  
There are so many ways.  
Who are you to assume mine's the easy one?  
I see the whole picture. What is it that you see, Erik?  
It has never been arrogance, that guided my way nor was it me saying my point of view is the ultimate one, but hope and the will to try correcting the route of a ship desperately moving closer to the abyss.  
Not everything is only black and white, my friend.  
There is so much in between.  
I have seen it.  
I have seen it in you.  
You only have to open your eyes and face it. "

Blinking rapidly Erik looked at his counterpart.  
Unaffected disapproval craved in the mask that was worn by his face and only faintly showed some signs of a soul loaded with emotions.  
He never thought their casual conversation during a game of chess could end in Charles talking in a monologue in a way some writers would definitely be jealous of.  
It seemed like the mentioning of the word 'arrogance' alone triggered something deep inside the telepath wanting to make his point of view clearer.

"So, what? Now YOU're accusing ME to be a coward?"

To be honest, THIS couldn't be the essence of the words he listened to previously, but Erik couldn't help saying that, though it seemed like the behaviour of a stubborn child someone accidental stepped on foot.

"What?"

He was instantly faced with a complete lack of understanding.  
The telepath furrowed his brows while shaking his head vehemently.

"Well, I've insulted you and in return you did the same. Seems like we're even now."

Deep blue eyes examined his own.  
A Noisy exhalation.  
Was this about resignation?  
Frustration?  
Even amusement?  
Empathy has never been one of his strongpoints.  
His talents, in fact, were others, but he was normally able to read patterns. Read them cause of former encounters and the knowledge he gained by them. A total practical usage of his analytical mind.  
However, his conversation partner sometimes seemed like a closed book to him.  
If it was because of his mutation or his character, he couldn't tell.

"For you it's always about that, isn't it? Being even…  
Attack, counterstrike… You don't even realise where this is leading you to."

His lips were marked by a self-satisfied smile while he sank deeper into the back of his chair.  
Holding his drink in one hand, moving the vessel slightly to let the liquid slosh against the glass in waves, he looked up meeting the gaze of the other with his green eyes.

"I'm going to kill Shaw, Charles. You knew it from the moment you fished me out of the water.  
What is it you expected me to do?  
Were you trying to win me over? To convince me, control me?"

If that's what Charles truly wanted to do, he could have already done it.  
Could have planted some stranger thoughts into his mind easily with the power he had and convince him that they would be his own thoughts, own opinions.  
Still they had this conversation.  
Still the desire for revenge was an ever present part of himself.  
Though Erik was pretty aware of the fact he wouldn't even notice a change of mind implanted by the telepath.  
He couldn't help considering not using a power one had to its full potential as a weakness.  
All of a sudden he remembered the first night he was in presence of this man and his fingers cramped on the glass.

"What do you know about me?"

he repeated whispering without even noticing, like an echo from a past that has been his reality only a short while ago 'though it felt like one from another century.  
Not even there he was faced with the power of the other mutant, but by one of a man believing in hope despite better knowledge.  
Something Erik had forbidden himself since childhood.  
Never allowed since the moment he stood with a packed suitcase in front of this sparse building and looked into those water blue eyes that seemed to be able to look directly into his soul.

"I know your life has been full of sorrow, Erik.  
I also know there were some beautiful moments in it despite all the pain. That everything has been taken from you by this man.  
Your pleasure, your hope, your desires, your innocence.  
He stirred up your rage, guided it, abused it till there was nothing left but hatred. Hatred for the world, for mankind that had destroyed everything that was dear to you."

Several seconds passed till Erik realised it was presence that talked to him not some crazy flashback he had.  
Charles still was placed opposite of him separated only by the massive wooden table with the abandoned chess game on it.  
Well, he might have moved a bit closer.  
Elbows located on his thighs, chin lightly placed on his folded fingers, he watched him with a faint sparkle in his eyes.  
It took Erik a moment to notice this sparkle had to be provided by tears reflecting the light of the chimney and still held back to not ruin the look of this perfect skin.  
He clenched his teeth till he felt his jaw muscles tighten.

"He will pay for what he did to you."

Green eyes widened in disbelief.  
Had it truly been Charles who said those words and not himself?

"We have to stop Shaw. Not only cause of those unspeakable things he did, but because of everything he's going to do if we won't.  
I know you…"

Charles swallowed audible as if everything he said or was going to say was not an easy task for him.  
This truly was no conversation about the weather. It was about making plans, tactics and a possible future Erik never thought of before.  
His only goal has always been this man who killed his mother.  
He never cared if his desire for revenge would not only extinguish Shaw, but also himself, from this world, but something had changed.  
Something he hadn't planned.  
Something or someone had changed the circumstances.

"… have to kill him."

he finished the sentence of the other man who surprisingly seemed to struggle with himself.  
Erik got rid of his glass after taking another sip of the amber liquid and let his head hit the chair upholstery before closing his eyes.  
Taking a deep breath, he let his fingers slide over his face to remove some strands of his dark blonde hair, trying to get a grip of himself.  
Both hands placed above his eyes, he stayed like that for several minutes.  
A few minutes of silence, if ignoring the crackling of the wood, giving in to the destiny of being burnt by fire, as Charles didn't say anything as well.  
Maybe they both needed this short break.

"What do you want from me, Charles?"

He lowered his hands till they reached his thighs where they stopped.

"What I want is for you not to do anything you're going to regret later."

That was when Erik opened his eyes, looking at the other one like he'd lost his mind. He exhaled despicable before he went on talking.

"Don't be stupid, Charles! It's more like not doing anything YOU're going to regret, isn't it?"

"I'm serious about it, Erik."

a harsh voice answered.  
An expression so rare that Eriks amusement started to cease.

"I'm not going to give you absolution to kill a man… I could never do this…"

The story went on again with the old thingy of life is precious and everyone deserves to live and so on and so on…  
Before Erik could totally pull back from the conversation he heard something, that was less than an old fairytale and more like something to his taste.  
Something unexpected.

"… but if there is no other way, I won't stop you.  
But please, Erik, allow me to try something different and please don't go to him alone... take me with you!"

"Charles, this is ridiculous. What do you plan to do?"

He was greeted by an unwavering expression.  
Lips quirked, pressed onto each other till there was nothing left but a thin line.  
Oh, he'd pay a lot to know what was going on in this mind.  
He bet, whatever was there, was way less innocent and peaceful, than what the surface tried to imply.

"None of your business!"

Thoughtful Erik examined this perfect mask of composure and determination.

"What do you say? We have a deal?"

There was a smile appearing on his lips when Erik got a hold of his glass and raised it to Charles as visible sign of his agreement.

"I've got nothing to lose here, have I?"

He truly hadn't.  
Shaw still was top of his assassination list.  
If, whatever Charles was planning to do, wouldn't work out, there was no one left to stop him from execute his judgement.  
He took a sip of the alcoholic drink, savoured it while it was running down his throat leaving a bittersweet flavour on his tongue.  
Maybe a future after Shaw would be an option.  
Maybe he'd allow himself to think of it further.


End file.
